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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26926162">Flatmate Lads (or, They Aren't Bad People, Just Loud and Hyperactive)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/slotumn/pseuds/slotumn'>slotumn</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Claude von Riegan is a Little Shit, Comedy, Extremely Horny Ignatz, F/M, M/M, Roommates, Sitcom, Slice of Life, TFW no gf Lorenz, Thick Raphael but also Thicc Raphael, Wingman Claude von Riegan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 02:08:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,826</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26926162</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/slotumn/pseuds/slotumn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Four guys living in the same apartment, where two couldn't stand each other and the other two had one secretly crushing on the other.</p><p>What could possibly go wrong?</p><p>a.k.a. Golden Deer boys are flatmates. Ignatz is crushing on his childhood friend, Claude has a podcast, Lorenz has too many tea sets, Raphael just wants to lift and grill.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lysithea von Ordelia/Claude von Riegan, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Raphael Kirsten/Ignatz Victor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Horny Void</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Meet the Lads!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>And now, for something completely different from That Writer Who Only Ever Writes Lysiclaude. (Except not really, because this will eventually feature Lysiclaude, too.)</p><p>But the focus will mostly be on the Golden Deer dudes and their shenanigans, with others around them also coming into play. Each chapter will consist of four related ficlets/scenes. </p><p> </p><p>  <a href="https://discord.gg/GZmtGbw">Obligatory Lysiclaude Discord shilling, if you're someone who's here for that</a><br/><br/><a href="https://twitter.com/slotumn?s=09">My twitter</a><br/></p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which the lads meet each other.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>1. Predicament</p><p>Ignatz Victor was in a predicament. </p><p>Said predicament being, "childhood friend he had known since forever will now be his flatmate."</p><p>On the surface, there wasn't anything wrong with it. Hell, getting to live with someone he knew well was probably way better than having everyone in the dorm be complete strangers. </p><p>And yet there was one massive problem that overrode all those.</p><p>"...How will I hide all these?!"</p><p>Namely, that Ignatz had a crush on that childhood friend, a.k.a. Raphael, and had drawn, oh, at least a thousand sketches of him. </p><p>Suggestive, nude sketches.</p><p>Actually, some of it was outright porn, occasionally (frequently) involving a partner who happened to have choppy hair, slimmer physique, and glasses.</p><p>That's right, meek art student Ignatz was unbelievably, debilitatingly horny for the person he was about to live in the same apartment with. </p><p>But frankly, who could blame him? How could anyone with an aesthetic eye not appreciate the 190 cm of muscle, trained by years of both manual labor and exercise, capable of lifting another human being like a feather to bend over or press against a wall and—</p><p>—okay, he was getting carried away again. </p><p>Point was, he had to find a way to store all these sketches away where nobody would find them, and also, not become a stuttering mess whenever Raphael worked around shirtless in the dorm, which he definitely was going to do quite often.</p><p>"Hey, Ig, you're already here! Are you sketching again?"</p><p>Ignatz collapsed into the floor. </p><p>---</p><p>2. Befriending</p><p>"Why, if it isn't Ignatz Victor! I've seen your final project from last semester, and I must say, the animation was nothing short of delightful."</p><p>Raphael wasn't Ignatz's only flatmate, however. There would be two other students, presumably from Garreg Mach University, living with him. </p><p>"You...looked at that?" Ignatz asked, then quickly added, "I-I mean, thank you! But you...looked at that?"</p><p>"Why, of course," the other man replied. "It's only natural that I should keep a close eye on the growing talents of this school. My family is a regular donor to this institution, therefore—"</p><p>Raphael burst out from his room, forehead slightly glistening with sweat from lifting and moving all the luggage. </p><p>"Lorenz! It's you!" he exclaimed, immediately striding over to put an arm around both of them. "Oh, man, I can't believe I get to live with TWO friends this year!"</p><p>"L-let go of me!" the guy named Lorenz exclaimed, struggling to break away with no avail.</p><p>Ignatz blinked. "You two know each other?"</p><p>"Yeah, we're friends," said Raphael.</p><p>"We had a meal together some time ago," said Lorenz.</p><p>Silence. </p><p>"So that means we're friends!"</p><p>"No, it does not."</p><p>A few seconds later, Raphael attempted to feed some of beef jerky he brought to Lorenz, while the latter resisted once again. Upon reaching the conclusion that Lorenz wanted some other type of food, Raphael immediately set off to the nearby grocery store, promising to come back and make a big welcoming meal for all four of them, all while Lorenz's specific complaints fell on deaf ears.</p><p>Ignatz decided that this was going to be an interesting year. </p><p>---</p><p>3. Jinxed</p><p>"Do you know who our final roommate is going to be?" Ignatz cautiously asked, once Lorenz was done filling the cupboard with rows of tea sets, leaving only one out, presumably in preparation to brew a pot right there. </p><p>"Unfortunately, I do not," Lorenz replied, scooping some tea leaves out from an intricate tin box. "Care for a cup?"</p><p>"Oh, uh, sure," Ignatz replied, sitting down across the high, narrow dining table. "Probably another Garreg Mach student, right?"</p><p>"I presume so," Lorenz replied. "But on that note, I can only hope it's not someone obnoxious, in the likes of that Clau—"</p><p>The apartment door burst open.</p><p>"Whoo, looks like I'm the last to arrive," said a bearded guy with green eyes, looking around the commons. "How's everyone doi—"</p><p>The moment Lorenz and the newcomer fell within each other's line of sight, the air in the room suddenly grew so tense that Ignatz froze up alongside the other two, even though he had no idea what was going on.</p><p>"..."</p><p>"..."</p><p>"...Well, fuck me," the new guy declared, throwing his backpack onto the floor. </p><p>"Watch your language, Riegan," Lorenz said. "And please, this is a common area. Don't throw your belongings about like that."</p><p>"Yes, mom~" new guy said, voice dripping with sarcasm as he dragged his suitcase along. "Oh, I'm Claude, by the way. And on that guy's behalf, I am so sorry."</p><p>"A-about what?" Ignatz asked, too taken aback by the situation to say anything that could deescalate it.</p><p>Claude waved his hand. "Like, everything that's about to happen this school year."</p><p>"..."</p><p>Lorenz took a deep breath. "I don't remember asking you to speak on my behalf—"</p><p>"Oops, my girlfriend's texting me, better reply before she gets mad," Claude said, walking into his room. "Speak to you later, okay?"</p><p>For some reason, that was what made Lorenz clench his jaw as he turned his attention back to the teapot.</p><p>"I apologize for getting distracted. The tea should be ready now," he said, smiling with a vein popping in his forehead.</p><p>"I-it's fine," Ignatz replied, awkwardly smiling back. "Thank you."</p><p>This was going to be a very interesting year indeed.</p><p>---</p><p>4. Introductions</p><p>"So, uh..."</p><p>Raphael, bless his heart, melted the tense atmosphere away as soon as he returned with bags of groceries, getting everyone out to the common area to help with cooking in the small kitchen they had. </p><p>Well, it was mostly Raphael cooking and Ignatz assisting while the other two stood around looking at their phones (and avoiding each other), but the air was certainly more relaxed with the scent of stew drifting around.</p><p>The table turned out to be too narrow for all four of them to sit together at once, so they had to improvise by dragging a stool up to the kitchen counter, and also drag a couch over with a stool as a table, but eventually, all four of them were sitted in proximity. </p><p>"...we should probably introduce ourselves?" Ignatz suggested.</p><p>"Why, of course," Lorenz said. "How rude of me, forgetting proper introductions all this time."</p><p>"Yeah, rude," Claude agreed. "You should go first, to make up for it."</p><p>"Oh, no, you can go first, it's quite alright."</p><p>"Nah, you go."</p><p>"I insist, you go."</p><p>"Really, you g—"</p><p>Right when the air was about to freeze over again, Raphael finished his bowl of soup, let out a burp, and said, "I'm Raphael, and this is Ignatz! We've been friends since kindergarten. I like food and working out, so I'm doing kinesiology."</p><p>Lorenz muttered something about manners under his breath, but Ignatz couldn't be more glad for the timely interjection.</p><p>"Ignatz Victor, third year, animation and art history major," he said, awkwardly waving a hand. "Nice to meet you guys."</p><p>After the obligatory responses of "nice to meet you's" and "hey's," the other two began their own introductions,</p><p>"Lorenz Hellman G—"</p><p>"Claude von Ri—"</p><p>at the same time.</p><p>More cold silence ensued, and for a moment, Ignatz wondered if this was what Claude meant by "everything that's about to happen this school year." </p><p>(Okay, let's face it, that's probably what he meant.)</p><p>"Claude, huh? Nice to meet you, buddy!"</p><p>Once again, Raphael saved the day. </p><p>Claude gave a vindicated little nod before clearing his throat and continuing. "Claude von Riegan, junior, I'm doing the two douchebag trust fund kid majors, a.k.a. political science and management."</p><p>"Lorenz Hellman Gloucester, fourth year," Lorenz threw a glare at Claude, "also majoring in political science and management."</p><p>Claude whistled and tapped at his phone, which were the only noises in the room for a while, alongside Raphael gulping down seconds.</p><p>Ignatz decided he should try being the icebreaker this time.</p><p>"Err...is there anything else you guys want to talk about?" he tentatively asked, looking around.</p><p>"If an'one wants to work out, 'm always looking for training buddies."</p><p>"Please don't talk with food in your mouth."</p><p>"I have a podcast."</p><p>Silence. </p><p>Ignatz took a deep breath in, and tried to not make it sound too much like a sigh on its way out.</p><p>Four guys living in the same apartment, where two couldn't stand each other and the other two had one secretly crushing on the other.</p><p>"...I hope we can all get along for the year!"</p><p>What could possibly go wrong?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Lads and a Movie Date</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ignatz is horny and Claude catches on.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Took 2 chapters for me to include Lysiclaude, huh.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>5. Detrimentally Horny</p><p>Ignatz learned two things within his first month of living with Raphael. </p><p>The first was that his friend didn't walk around shirtless as much as he expected (or rather, hoped). </p><p>Sure, Raphael did exercise a lot, but usually he showered at the gym locker room and came back with a shirt on. His sleep attire wasn't much different from his post-workout attire, consisting of t-shirt and sweatpants, and while seeing the fabric stretch over his pectorals and thighs were ever so alluring, giving the most tantalizing hints of what lay underneath and forcing his attention on every movement, hoping to catch just a little bit more than the previous moment—</p><p>—...anyway, the point was, his fantasy of getting eyefuls of that muscle 24/7 did not come true, at all. </p><p>The second thing Ignatz learned, was that this did not stop himself from getting insanely fucking horny.</p><p>Raphael's post-workout progress photos, which he occasionally sent through text, had served as...inspiration for various activities to Ignatz in the past (not limited to drawing), and now that the real thing was living with him— sleeping in the next room within a couple meters of him, using the same bathroom as him— the tension was unbearable. </p><p>That is to say, Ignatz was masturbating about three times a day, every day, to the thought of getting railed by Raphael in one of their beds.</p><p>Which wouldn't have been a great idea to carry out in real life, by the way, because the soundproofing wasn't that good and the other two would definitely hear, not to mention the sheer improbability of Raphael reciprocating his feelings, but hey, a guy could fantasize.</p><p>But the one time when he didn't jack off first thing in the morning, or throughout most of the day— </p><p>"Heya, Ig! It's meatballs tonight."</p><p>—of course that was the day Raphael decided to cook dinner in nothing but sweatpants an an apron.</p><p>"..."</p><p>Of course that was the day when Claude and Lorenz were both hanging out in the lounge when Ignatz walked in and was promptly rendered looking like a shocked fish. </p><p>"You okay there, mate?"</p><p>"Are you feeling unwell?"</p><p>Ignatz shook his head and rushed towards his own room. </p><p>"I'm fine! I just have to, err, write some emails real quick, thenI'lljoinyouguysfordinner!"</p><p>He did not write emails, and jerked off five times back to back instead.</p><p>Gods.</p><p><em>I really need help,</em> Ignatz thought, spraying Febreze into the air. </p><p>---</p><p>6. Matchmaker Mode: Activated</p><p>From the first moment he saw them, Claude thought there was something very familiar about the dynamic between Raphael and Ignatz. </p><p>Which was weird, because as a former victim of severe bullying and social exclusion, Claude didn't have any close childhood friends, much less ones that resembled those two. In fact, he didn't have any friends until well into his teenage years, when he came to Leicester, hiding his true heritage as much as possible, vowing to not get hurt or betrayed by anyone ever again—</p><p>—but yeah, his two not-insufferable flatmates had been quite interesting to observe, to say the least. </p><p>And today, he not only figured out, but outright confirmed what that "something familiar" was: sexual tension. </p><p>Specifically, sexual tension where one person was blatantly horny for the other, yet also in some form of denial or repression and was really hoping the other party wouldn't figure it out. </p><p>Upon seeing Ignatz sprint off to his room, Claude switched apps from Soundcloud to Messages. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>hey lys</em><br/>
<em>remember those two roomies i told you about</em><br/>
<em>basically just confirmed one of them got a crush on the other lol</em><br/>
<em>raphael was cooking shirtless, ignatz walked in and just ran the fuck away into his room bc he couldnt deal</em>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>Lyssie♡</em> </strong><br/>
<em>And what exactly am I supposed to do with this information?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>be entertained? </em><br/>
<em>they've been friends since kindergarten, i just might be watching a childhood friend to lovers arc right in front of my eyes!</em><br/>
<em>you're a sucker for those types of romance novels</em>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>Lyssie♡</em> </strong><br/>
<em>I am not "a sucker" for them and I am not interested in the details of your flatmates' love lives!!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>i mean the other option is hearing me complain about lorenz</em>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>Lyssie♡</em> </strong><br/>
<em>Consider expanding your options, maybe</em>
</p><p>
  <em>lmao</em><br/>
<em>anyway, like i said before, the sexual tension is unreal</em><br/>
<em>almost like back when you used to have a crush on me</em><br/>
<em>you also used to run away when i walked around the house shirtless, remember that?</em>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>Lyssie♡</em> </strong><br/>
<em>I was thirteen, Claude</em><br/>
<em>Thirteen</em><br/>
<em>But anyway, what do you plan to do about it</em><br/>
<em>Play matchmaker again?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>hmmmmm</em><br/>
<em>not a bad idea, actually</em>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>Lyssie♡</em> </strong><br/>
<em>Oh no</em>
</p><p>
  <em>hey relax, i'm not gonna go the full mile like i did with dimitri and edelgard</em><br/>
<em>i'm thinking i'll just</em><br/>
<em>give a little push</em><br/>
<em>and let the rest work itself out, that'll probably be funnier to watch</em>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>Lyssie♡</em> </strong><br/>
<em>Goddess</em><br/>
<em>Well I already know I won't stop be able to you so just</em><br/>
<em>Don't be late for the meeting tomorrow</em>
</p><p>
  <em>you mean our date tomorrow ;D</em>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>Lyssie♡</em> </strong><br/>
<em>Does it really matter what we call it??</em>
</p><p>
  <em>no, but i like teasing you</em><br/>
<em>♥♥♥</em>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>Lyssie♡</em> </strong><br/>
<em>Idiot</em><br/>
<em>♥♥♥</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Has anybody ever told you that it's rude to stare into your phone while dining?" came Lorenz's voice, snapping Claude out of girlfriend-induced bliss. </p><p>"Nope, but I have been told that some people compensate for their loneliness and lack of romance in life by collecting excessive amounts of tea sets," Claude replied, not bothering to look up to confirm that Lorenz was popping a vein (because he already knew).</p><p>Raphael's hands lightly ("lightly") slapped both of their backs. "No arguing at dinner, you two!" </p><p>When Ignatz came back out of his room, looking rather disheveled, all three of them had already finished their meals, including seconds.</p><p>"Did that email work out alright, buddy?" Raphael asked, shoveling the meatball portions he'd reserved for his friend earlier. </p><p>"Y-yeah, I just got a bit distracted along the way, that's all, haha...!"</p><p>Oh, he must have been distracted alright, Claude thought, a smile creeping onto his lips. (Once again, Lorenz threw him a weird look, but he ignored it.)</p><p>The gears in his head began turning as he observed the two friends, taking note of all the small body language details and reactions. </p><p>This was going to be a fun year. </p><p>---</p><p>7. Movies</p><p>"You're giving it to me? For free?"</p><p>Claude nodded. "Yeah, me and Lys got for this weekend, buuut, something came up with the schedule."</p><p>"Aw, that's too bad," Raphael said, taking the tickets. "I hope you two can make up for it."</p><p>"Eh, it's not that big of a deal, we're just gonna watch it a few hours later. Maybe we'll run into each other, if you're gonna be in the mall for a while?"</p><p>The mall...Raphael remembered that the mall had art supply stores, and that Ignatz had to get some new sketchbooks. So if he asked Ignatz to go watch the movies with him, then shop for his fancy art stuff afterwards, that would be— what, catching two birds with one stone, right?</p><p>"Sure! Tell me when you're there, and maybe the four of us can go to a cheap tasty restaurant nearby. I know lots of those places!"</p><p>"Sounds like a deal," Claude grinned. "Oh, by the way— do you know what the movie's about?"</p><p>Raphael glanced at the ticket, which said, <em>Wrestling for Inspiration</em>, NC17. </p><p>"Must be about wrestling," he replied. </p><p>Claude made a funny expression, but once again, nodded. "Yeah, basically. And you're taking Ignatz, right?"</p><p>"Of course! He likes movies, being an artsy guy and all."</p><p>"Well, I hope you two have fun," Claude said, patting him on the shoulder, that funny expression still on his face. </p><p>"Yeah, we will!"</p><p>Raphael took out his phone to text Ignatz as Claude snickered away in the background.</p><p>---</p><p>8. Hobbies</p><p>Lorenz Hellman Gloucester was not compensating for anything by collecting tea sets. </p><p>It was a hobby, a quite refined one at that, and having hobbies was a healthy part of life. </p><p>"..."</p><p>And he was having tea in the flat, alone, because he enjoyed it, not because he was trying to cope with the fact he had no romance in his life while Claude was out on a date with his girlfriend, and Ignatz and Raphael were...</p><p>...also out on a date, with each other. </p><p>Dammit. </p><p>Lorenz opened up his anonymous poetry Twitter account, which had a sad manga boy as the profile picture, and began typing.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Lorenz's poetry account has that Kaneki pfp, you know which one.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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